Ripping tides of self. This thixotropic mind, with its own Mandark of a master.
In it lies a laboratory of thought, of what could be, what couldn't and whatnot.
How should we go on, when there is so much to fix? How must we carry on, knowing full well there are things behind that aren't taken care of. That will never be taken care of.
Partial control is lethal. All or none is how I want it. Doubt is the universal truth, the home of logic and science.
Sometimes I revere it, but other times, I wish it were either one way or another. Gullible thought, that one. Doesn't mean it doesn't occur every now and then.
So much easier to not think. If only i could. Just for a while. Brain burst. Sometimes I think my brain might burst.
Red goo splayed across the walls and floor and door.
"Hey what happened here?"
"Oh, I think her brain burst"
......
"Oh well. Look it's lunch time."
I, just I.
Alone.
Standing far away. Away. So far away. To breathe, to not call, to not know, to not smile. To forget, to erase.
Standing far away. It may accomplish all my goals for me.
At least it gives me a chance at it. A chance at not getting glued to a mesh and maze, waiting for the mouse trap to close. And then it never does.
I might be sad if it does close on me. Initially. But I'll adapt.
I'd rather they get me than live under the fear that they might, any time at all. Or I would rather escape completely.
It won't let me do either. It'll come, ticking it's fancy watch, life will. Like a one sided affair, constantly following footstep after footstep of mine.
At least until I learn to fly.
In it lies a laboratory of thought, of what could be, what couldn't and whatnot.
How should we go on, when there is so much to fix? How must we carry on, knowing full well there are things behind that aren't taken care of. That will never be taken care of.
Partial control is lethal. All or none is how I want it. Doubt is the universal truth, the home of logic and science.
Sometimes I revere it, but other times, I wish it were either one way or another. Gullible thought, that one. Doesn't mean it doesn't occur every now and then.
So much easier to not think. If only i could. Just for a while. Brain burst. Sometimes I think my brain might burst.
Red goo splayed across the walls and floor and door.
"Hey what happened here?"
"Oh, I think her brain burst"
......
"Oh well. Look it's lunch time."
I, just I.
Alone.
Standing far away. Away. So far away. To breathe, to not call, to not know, to not smile. To forget, to erase.
Standing far away. It may accomplish all my goals for me.
At least it gives me a chance at it. A chance at not getting glued to a mesh and maze, waiting for the mouse trap to close. And then it never does.
I might be sad if it does close on me. Initially. But I'll adapt.
I'd rather they get me than live under the fear that they might, any time at all. Or I would rather escape completely.
It won't let me do either. It'll come, ticking it's fancy watch, life will. Like a one sided affair, constantly following footstep after footstep of mine.
At least until I learn to fly.
